Mary's Poetry Blog

Broken Girl

2011-10-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

Broken girl,
Why can't you fix yourself?
With bits of pink paper
And wonder glue?

That crack in your soul
Is leaking love and sunshine
And slowly you're
Filling up with darkness again.

You reach for the stars
On your knees
Hope your endless gratitude
Will stem the raging sea.

Rising up inside you
Cold truths and empty promises
Threaten to replace
Your carefully constructed peace.

God, The Universe, Enlightened Ones,
Try to hold you up
Saving you from your
Senseless Self.

M. Kirkpatrick 2011

Spiritual Sponge

2011-10-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

This heart
A spiritual sponge
Wrings out
Yet another memory.

Wishing it could
Just dry out
In the sunshine
Of this moment.

Don't let tears
Fill it up again
Until it is heavy
With the painful salt of life.

Melancholy always feels
More real than joy
Pain reverberates
While joy evaporates.

This must end
No more hearts can rend,
Falling leaves will decay
Move on, do not revisit that day.

M.Kirkpatrick 2011

Ghosts

2011-10-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

The past threatens
To swallow me whole
In a cloud of doubt
In a sea of regret.

The present is focused,
Whole and happy,
Creative and light,
No reason for fear exists.

Shadows passing overhead
Chill me and drive
Old fears from their
Deep sleeping beds.

This ghost cannot
Be converted
Into an angel of hope,
It's just a specter.

Let it go
Free its hold
Forgive it and let it
Roam on without you.

M.Kirkpatrick 2011

Peace

2011-10-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

I want to feel peace
The absolute balance
Of darkness and light
Inside the soul.

Like the infinite ring
Of a prayer bowl's chime
The essence of rest
Resides within.

The world falls away
Consciousness meditates
on the craggy cliff
Balanced between life
and nothingness.

The sound of a brook
Flowing over hard rocks
Is the sound of your soul
Leaving the ego behind.

M.Kirkpatrick 2011

Falling Water

2010-07-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am climbing
A solitary path
Into a pass within
The clouds

Sheer abyss drops
on either side.

No turning back
Or moving sideways

Only slowly forward

Picking my way

By moonlight.

I can hear the
Powerful promise

Of a waterfall ahead
A force that can fill me
And move me.

I cannot fall
While I focus on
this one moment

In this second

I am okay.

Autumn Cravings

2009-10-14T08:59:00.001-07:00

The well is dry,

nothing to yield,

No harvest to reap,

Just fallow ground,
Ready to sleep.

What can this heart

Give when it

Is so empty

So shriveled in contempt.

It was so full

Over brimming with love

And then it just

Died and found no one

To fill it again.

Oh harvest moon
You seem so full

I am a vessel yearning

To be filled and content.

The fullness must come

From within.

Feeling broken

Looking ceaselessly

for whatever it is

In the chasms inside

That can refill the soul
While "I" hide.

I am

2009-09-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

I want to taste

The Knowledge on your lips,

I want to feel

The truth you have to share.

Healing begins

Knowing where I end

Being feels

Like I am reborn.

Thirsting for it all

Pouring it down

The channels of

My endless spirit.

Reaching out across

Time into perpetuity,

I touch the truth in you,

And swallow the sweetness of life.

No Photos

2009-09-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

Siitting in the cool

wet sand,
Feeling the grainy,

earthy texture

Against my hands.

The water lapping

lazily at my toes,

The sun picking up

the gold in his hair,

my son.

Laughing as the surf
erodes the fruits

Of our afternoon's work.
Wading in the calm bay,

Looking back at the shore
Trying to freeze the frame.

Burn this image into my brain,
Carve it into my center

My heart wants to know it
forever.

No cameras, No Phones,
No photos.

Just me, just him,

The summer son

and I continue our

lovely swim.

When Love is a Drug

2009-09-02T04:09:00.000-07:00

When love is a drug
It intoxicates

It teases

It promises,

It pleases.

When love is a drug

It surrounds you

It feeds you
It says
It will never leave you.

When love is a drug,

Nothing is real

An illusion

Meant to confound

And confuse you.

When love is a drug

You ache

You feel greed

You suffocate

You bleed.

When love is a drug,
It leaves

You feel like you want to die

You cry and pray

You can say Good-Bye.

The Journey

2009-06-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

Following my heart

Lead me deep

Into the wood

Of dark self doubt.

This body is

My only vessel

Yet it is so hard

To keep it afloat in this life.

Was it easier

In the past

When I could see
More clearly what I am.

Or isit better

Now in this wavering

Misty world

Opening its yawning mouth.

Shall I continue

Venture forth

Find my final path

Back to my true God

Back to myself.

From Miles- A New Life

2009-03-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

I'm losing my mind,
I don't know what to say,
pictures in my head,
are fading away

time takes its toll,
my lonely leaf blows,
lost from its tree,
and all that I know

memories fade,
do I know who I am?
am I good or bad,
or am I just a man

I know who I love,
love is for me to know,
loves all that matters,
the rest can all go

The world is a blur,
moving too fast to hold,
Fleeting parts of my life,
played out in bold

I want to see it all,
A room with a view,
picture an ocean,
A beach walk with you

I've got a new canvas,
and you are my brush,
lets paint the world,
we're not in a rush

I'm forgetting the old,
and starting anew,
waiting at the edge,
of a new life with you

American Woman X

2009-01-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

Why is my life

Not sweet enough
To fulfill my desire

For a sweet life.

Left turns
Leading to nowhere

Find me
In the center of the maze again.

Looking inward
Gives me vertigo

I don't know

Where to go.

Funhouse mirrors

Speak greater truths

Than what I see

In my own reflection.

I've fallen
And I can't get down

I'm dreaming

And I can't wake up.

American Woman IX

2009-01-13T20:29:00.000-08:00

Found the courage

Located the faith
To take the step
Away to a new place.

Alone and free

Strong where we

Think we want to be
And then we remember.

Why we stayed so long

Finding reasons

To just hang in there
To stay strong.

Lonely nights

Listening to the dog

Lick his rear end

Looking at the clock.

Wondering did I
Choose the right course
Did I find myself
Or lose myself in this Divorce.

One

2008-12-08T20:43:00.001-08:00

We come together

To share one mind

To find one heart

To be one in time.

Heal me with your
Songs of faithful

Understanding and hope

Find me in my lost world.

I question too much

Asking when I should know

You tell me

And I need to hear.

I pray to feel
Complete knowing

Like you do

And wrap myself in our fate.

Take me in time

Show me our many

lives we have lived

Let me see it all.

A bird is singing

In the halls of grace

And the song is familiar

In its song I remember your face.

I feel as before we are

In one place.

Truest Intention

2008-04-13T04:21:00.000-07:00

Fear has locked
Your spirit of life
Blind and haunted
You wander earth with eyes of darkness.

If eyes are windows
Of the soul,
Yours appear to be
Covered from the outside
Your soul trapped behind false truths.

Open your eyes
Without fear
Finding a vision
Of your own creation
Put there by God's own and your intention.

Sweet knowledge
Not the kind you find
In books or in the mouths of priests
But from looking within
To the very place you feared to look before.

Truest intention maybe more frightening
Than no intention at all
Because you see what you truly want
Creating the truth reveals
Our balance between darkness and light.
I know your fear,
I have been there,
I reside in my own truth now
And though at times I cower
The knowledge of truth is more powerful.

The creations of our truest heart
Can be abominations of the worst sort
Or they may be the most beautiful feelings
But what we cannot be afraid of
Is the act of creation, the ultimate gift of God.

Winds of Eden

2008-03-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

Two lost children of Eve,
Wandering in a world
Overwhelmed without reprieve,
Forgetting what it feels like
To love, to care, to receive.

Stunned and wild-eyed
Gob smacked, does the world lie
Not a chance you see
They crashed into each
And desperate together they fly.

On the winds of Eden
Their love destined to soar.
They will find a truth God-given
To them forever more.

The Mirror

2008-03-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

God held a mirror
To my soul
And when I looked
I saw you there.

Your endless pools
Forest green deep
Reflect my cooler
Flirty green seas.

All the good of me
Bounced back in your heart
All the bad of you
Echoed deep within mine.

But the mirror shattered
When you looked away
Lies and life ended
The fair reflection of our love.

Why did He let me see
Let me love and hurt and feel
The one soul on earth
So like me.

My Center

2008-03-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

Είσαι το κέντρο της ψυχής μου
Προκαλείς πυρκαγιά στην καρδιά μου
με ένα σου βλέμμα.

Τι να κάνω;
Είμαι έρμαιο στα χέρια σου
όταν αντικρίζω τη γνώριμη ψυχή σου.

Θέλω να ξοδέψω εκατομύρια ζωές
για να μπορέσω να δω μέσα σου
τις απαντήσεις.

Ο Θεός μου χάρισε εσένα
Και Τον ευχαριστώ
που βρήκε την δική μου αλήθεια
και μου την πρόσφερε πάλι
μέσα στα μάτια σου.

You are the center
Of my soul
You make my heart
Catch on fire
With one look.

What can I do?
I am helpless
In the face of your
Knowing soul.

I want to spend
A million lifetimes
Looking inside you
For the answers.

God gave me you,
And I thank Him
For finding my truth
And giving it back to me
In your eyes.

Lovers Lost

2008-01-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

We are twin souls,
Never meeting
Or seeing our fates together,
Living in our real life roles.

What questions of faith
Can we ask
When lovers are lost
Walking on the same path.

Bittersweet, pleasure pain,
The joy and despair
Of having you come
And leave again.

A deeper world
Cannot be known
Than the lovers who roam
Without a home.

Dangerously Complete

2007-11-28T02:02:00.000-08:00

A stranger
Knew my secret longing,
And he showed me
Reflected my shadows and chasms.

Hunger and strife
Leads me to claw
To scratch out
A desperate answer
Trying to heal.

My body is cut open
Flayed apart
Wounded for the sake
Of sacred examination.

If only some surgeon
Could cut out what is missing
And put back what
Is full and right.

Closed back up
I am again still walking wounded
Craving and scratching, hoping,
For someone to put me out of misery.

The stranger is a stranger
He knows not
What he does
In the name of love.

Faithless

2007-10-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Faithless friend
Abandoned for greener
Brighter youth
Songs of freedom
Call you away
I look where you were
in self pity, regret.

Once thought
You a Savior
A personal prophet
Of hope and persuasion
Now it is clear
I mangled my own vision.

It wasn't fair I guess
To raise you higher
Than you could see yourself
Even if I know
It is where you could go.

Grateful too soon,
Extended so far
I brittley broke
Shattered into a million
Pieces of my own
failed expectations.

Now shuttered up
Protected and plain
Safely walking in circles
Within these boundaries
The world has taught me
are appropriate.

Sighing heavily
Don't know what or who
To hope for or believe in
Nobody wants that burden.
Nobody wants my faith.
It is just me and God. Maybe.

Song Man

2007-09-28T04:19:00.000-07:00

Song man
You light up the world
Smile as you raise your head
Grimace as you bow it again.

Riffs ripple
Like vibrant springs
In fall running from a freeze
Let them tumble
From your strings.

Don't stop playing
Your music is
Praying
Cannot envy you
Your passion is God given.

So play
Song man
Play until your heart
Is full again.

Forget

2007-08-10T05:36:00.000-07:00

I will forget
How you did heal me
And you will forget
How you felt needed.

I will forget
How I felt beautiful
You will forget
That you felt strong.

I will forget
What attention feels like
You will forget
Sharing your weaknesses too.

We will forget
So that we can go on
Distant passing smiles
Make this effort to forget
Almost...bearable.

Mary K. 2007

Courtly Love

2007-07-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

I paint you pictures
I sing you songs
But you only see numbers
And hear noise.

A compromise
I listen to your numbers
You look at my beauty
We somehow
Make something new.

My heart races
Yours is steady
Like bedrock
I shift like sand
You anchor the
world.

Different souls
Finding solace somehow
In steady gazed moments
And treasured soft kisses.

How will things
Find us tomorrow
You with your loyal look
Me like a babbling brook
You'll float in my liquid self
And I'll hold on to you
for dear life.

We'll somehow make it
Together
As man and wife.

American Woman VIII

2007-07-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

I never wanted
For anyone to
Find me
I could never hide or
Manipulate.

I was out there
Take me.
Or leave me
And I was left.

Alone and craving
Hunger so deep
I could not run from it
I could only seek more.

Greedy for love and attention
Oh how to quell it
Oh please, let a little
Be enough.

American Woman VII

2007-07-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

Working for the Man
Feeling small
Like an ant
Without a leader
To follow home.

What drives the Man
What pulls us
To be exploited
Exsponged of self worth.

Coming back for more
Hungry for pain
Abuse from a not so fatherly
Neglectful Establishment.

A Tree in Winter

2007-05-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

What does the tree

Do when it
Finds itself laid

Naked to the winter winds.

Folds in upon
Its dark self
Closing tightly on
What yearning life remains
Inside.

Waiting, shaking

Through winds and
Changing, ruptured skies,
Ice covered, frozen

Trapped.

Spring must come

It wills it to bring

Warmth, allowing,
Finally to unfurl its

Green virgin leaves.

Opens itself willingly
To the deserving Sun
The tree feels joy
Knowing it lives again.

Price of Your Eyes

2007-05-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

An oldie that I wrote way back when...

The Price of Your Eyes

I looked through everyone
But when I looked at you
I stopped.
They mirrored my gaze
An ancient English maze
The walls of time and my mortality
Melted in the face of such
A knowing look.

There were echoes there
Within your eyes
Of some time past
A time that preceeded every last
Year and century.
I shook inside as if chilled and
My heart so raw stood bare.

I don't know what to say
I am not mad
But when our eyes meet
In some future unfamiliar street
I'll know the depths I've known before
In another time, another place, another day.

MK 1997

Some poems I wrote, posted, took down, and am now putting back up...don't ask.

2007-04-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

Longing
I attempted to fill my days
With friends and food
And light and work
But I lingered in my mind.

I fought to forget
Willed myself positive
Fresh, anew, focused
And yet languid time
Dragged and pulled me down.

While you flashed
With happiness and glee
I stayed quiet
Alone, but not so lonely.

The end of this
Imposed solitude
Is coming,
And I yearn for
The wave of warmth
Your smile will bring.

If the mere thought
of you brings me joy
God bless me
With your return.
And I will be
Once again alive.

The Well

I came to you
For sustenance
Gazed into your depths
Dark waters reflected me.

I poured my pain
Desires, despairs
Into the heart
Waiting for you
To overflow, to reject
what I gave.

But the well
So deep, endless
Held its will
Shared its bounty
Filled me
With spirit and life.

I did not want
To greedily drink
This water of life
Yet I could not
walk away empty.

It is painful
To not know
Its Source
I am not a part
of that deep, dark world.

Still I gratefully
Partook, praying
Some day the well
Would find me full.

Mary K. 4/18/07 (edited 5/13/07)

Why

What binds us together
I dare not know
Your light found me
As I entered a phase of sorrow.

You taught me hope
When all I could think
Was loss, darkness,
And my own selfish pain.

A divine gift
You do not question
You just thank God
And continue down
A better path.

We look for our purpose
Mine, I don't know yet
But I know you were
Part of me finding it.

Why did He put me
In your path?
That is for you to find
I only hope you
Don't turn back or regret.

You have taught me
With your quiet strength
Your goodness,
To create, to intend,
To be grateful.

What kind of Universe
Would this be
If I could not give
you back
A part of me.

Just these words,
Let them wash
Over your soul,
Remind you that
Maybe we don't have to know.

Mary K. 5/5/07 (edited from the original)

Poetry Links

2007-03-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

Here are links to my poetry pages: http://www.geocities.com/fiennesite/2005-2007.htm http://www.geocities.com/fiennesite/2002-2003.htm Thanks for checking them out. If you want to comment on one, feel free to copy and paste it into a comment box. Thanks, Mary

Mary's Poetry Blog

2007-03-29T05:04:00.001-07:00

I'm moving my poetry to a new blog just for the poetry so it's not mixed in with my stuff on the Law of Attraction.